Saturday, September 12, 2009

Holy Incredibly Broken Psychic Power, Batman! (Or, "WTF, GW? HAVE YOU BUMPED YOUR FRAKKIN' HEAD?")

[WARNING: You might say I cluster-bombed the f-word in this post, and committed several other acts of profanity and foulness. As such, this post probably shouldn't be read by...well, anyone, really. Proceed at your own risk.]

So, when I posted my "IT'S A GREAT TIME TO BE IN THE GUARD!" entry, there were
a couple of you that said you look forward to my rants that come on after a new codex is released.

I just finished reading the new SW army list that mkerr put up on BoLS, and read about a new psychic power that Rune Priests may take:

Jaws of the World Wolf (basically a 24" line that removes models
that fail an Initiative test)".

Go on, read that sentence again.

Let those words sink in nice and deep into the ol' brain.

I think you'll agree with me -- SW player or not -- that the first thought that jumped into your head and ran around in circles screaming was "HOLY FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK FUCKING HARE FUCKING KRISNHA JUMPING ON A POGO STICK! What the FUCK WAS GW THINKING? Surely this is bullshit. Surely this is some little gag mkerr is pulling, yanking our collective chains..." ( may not have had that exact thought, but I'll bet the thought you HAD was something similar. If it wasn't...friend, you either love cheesy broken bullshit like a crackhead loves crack served o
n a stripper's nipples or you've got some sort of mental block that's not letting you see just how incredibly, completely, ab-so-fucking-lutely broken a power like this is...)

After recovering from my apoplectic fit (LOL!) and remembering how to breathe again, it dawned on me that mayhap mkerr the elder chose not to share some details about this new power. Perhaps there's some kind of special test, or save...oh YEAH, there's an INITIATIVE TEST. That'll save ya!

Congratulations, Games Workshop. You've outdone yourselves! You couldn't just take the new C:SW by the power-whorehouse for enough "sessions" to make an entire codex rant-worthy (comical or otherwise).

Oh, NO, that's what we expected.

Instead, you made your opening bid a single psychic power so jacked that it was rant-worthy by itself!

It's really a shame, too, because I was thinking maybe, just maybe GW had gotten a better hold on the whole "game balance" thing and while I expected the new SW book to be very competent, close-combat-wise -- and definitely a "step up", power-wise from the old SW 'dex...I certainly wasn't expecting the steaming pile of wolf turds that this power re
presents -- unless there are mitigating rules/circumstances/things we don't know about yet that makes even using this power in some way risky to the Rune Priest and/or there is some kind of "save" other than a woefully-ridiculous initiative test.

Now, one thing: notice I didn't say SW players shouldn't take this power. If it's in your book, take it. However, I may very well begin carrying a 2-foot-long crowbar with me to game so that I'll have my own little "24 inch line" that makes things disappear (or collapse in a heap of bruises and pain, which is just as effective) for those special moments when your 200+ point squad gets eaten by an invisible wolf. :)

Smoke 'em if ya got 'em, folks. Inquisitor Lords with the old-school unlimited range psychic hood are now pretty much mandatory unless you enjoy the feeling of wolf johnson in your backside. Actually, a tooled-up Ordo Hereticus Inquisitor Lord with all those nifty "make the enemy psyker go away" powers/wargear...hmm...

OK guys: what do you think of this game balance abortion?