Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Allergic to Green?

A Little Note: This is meant to be funny. It may not be, as some of this was fueled by a bit of frustration. It was certainly not meant to offend anyone, and if it somehow does -- Ork players in particular -- I apologize in advance.

I finally got some "me time" this morning and as usual, I took a bit to check up on the blogosphere. First rattle out of the bag, BoLS is clogged up -- again! -- with more Ork-related news. I say "clogged" because looking over the last few posts, there's lots of Ork-related posts. The new battlewagon. The stompa. Plastic nobz. Other stuff.

I'm going to come out to you all now, ok?

Hi, my name is Joe. I think Orks are ludicrous.

Orks used to be the comic relief of the 40K universe. You know, grown-from-fungus green-skinned punk morons that every now and then -- every third try or so -- managed to fumble their way into doing something dangerous, when they weren't arguing over the supremacy of Mork (or was it Gork?) or shoving squigs in inappropriate and sometimes anatomically incompatible orifices. They were like pets, really. Big, dumb pets that piddled on the galactic carpet at the wrongest of times and then had to have the newspaper applied forcefully across thier snouts while everyone looked on with wry amusement at their cartoonish antics.

But then the new Ork codex came out, and lo and behold it was chock full of cheese, like a barrel of over-ripened limburger. Whoever let the nob bikerz out the door deserves to have their ass kicked. Hard. With a giant, steel boot. Repeatedly. But I digress...

Oh, and that new stompa model? I know it's supposed to be the Ork titan. I know it's supposed to look like an ominous, threatening, mobile monument of destruction. It doesn't. It looks like it was designed and assembled by a group of children -- mainly retarded children (oh, so insensitive to use that word! sorry!) -- that were given a pile of scrap and instructed to make something big and scary. I have one word for it: FAIL. Unless that's what they were going for, and in that case: WIN!

I guess what I'm saying is...Orks aren't my favorite.

Oh, don't misunderstand me. I get the appeal, I do. If Orks happen to be your favorite that's awesome: I don't care what army you play as long as you play, you know? :)

...but that doesn't change the fact that I'll be really happy when this wave or Ork releases (and the hoopla that goes with it) is over. I'm oh-so-very tired of every hobby news story having a big ol' dumb Ork in it somewhere, stinkin' up the place. I mean, come on, isn't there a new IG codex in the works? Can't we focus on that instead? :)

One last note: I was hoping -- briefly -- that maybe Warhammer Fantasy Battles would bring me some relief, until I realzed that the next army book release is Lizardmen. Big ol' walkin', talkin' iguanas. Couldn't they have spent at least another month (or three) on Warriors of Chaos? I'm pretty sure I could bask in that warm WoC glow for at least another month!

Wow, it's late. I think I'm sleep deprived. I hope so, because that's the excuse I'm rollin' with when the Ork-lovin' mob shows up at my door later today. :)